President appoints new press officer

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – The White House today announced the appointment of a new presidential press officer.

The announcement was made by the outgoing White House press secretary and communications director, Slammer Grizzle, in a press conference about which she said it was “a real unexpected pleasure to meet people in the media for the first time.”

Grizzle said she had no hard feelings about being replaced, which she had found out about 45 minutes earlier. “I have had the honor of defending a great President and earning quite a good salary for doing pretty silly things. My only regret is that I haven’t had more opportunity to talk to you medias.”

President Ronald Dump had decided to employ the new press officer after reading many of the latter’s “very clear not fake news” and comments on American and world events, Grizzle said. Some of these were so interesting and true that the President had clicked from the Twitter references to the original source, something he rarely does.

Against the global media conspiracy against him, the President Dump had found only one commentator who regularly told things the way the President saw them, and he had therefore decided that T. Onion was the press officer he needed, especially since Onion’s reports were already widely circulated on the internet. Grizzle quoted the President as saying, “Mr Onion is real news. Some of his reports I could have written myself. In fact, some of them I think I did.”

Asked about her own future after the White House, Grizzle said she was considering a career presenting alternative facts on Pox News if there was an opening not already filled by her predecessors.

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